Tantrums to TikTok
Balancing the Needs of Toddlers and Teenagers.
(Or at Least Without Completely Losing Your Sanity… No Promises, Though.)
I’m not saying parenting both a toddler and a teen is like being caught in a cosmic joke, but if the universe had a sense of humor, this would be it. One minute, you’re negotiating bedtime with an almost 2-year-old who is suddenly a human barnacle, and the next, you’re trying to make eye contact and connect with a teenager who only communicates in shrugs and sighs.
Both need you—constantly—but in completely different ways. And somehow, you’re supposed to meet all those needs while also being a functional human being with, you know, personal dreams, goals, and the occasional desire to drink a hot coffee while it’s still hot. (PS: Hubby solved this problem for me by getting me an Ember mug for Christmas and OMG it's changed the GAME)
So how do you keep the kids living and thriving and maintain a shred of selfhood? Well, here’s what I’ve figured out so far (spoiler: I haven't figured it out).
1. Accept That You’re in Two Completely Different Parenting Worlds
Toddlers and teens are basically the same species, just at opposite ends of the development spectrum. They both test boundaries, experience big emotions, and need snacks approximately every 14 minutes. More on that in a future post.
But while your toddler is sobbing because their banana broke in half, your teen is sulking after you dared to ask how their day was—and you're really not sure why. It’s whiplash parenting, and the first step to surviving it is accepting that your approach needs to shift constantly. One moment, you’re kissing boo-boos and singing Let it Go for the 18th time that hour, and the next, you’re asking what "chopped hair" means (it's not referring to a bob, btw) and pretending not to be completely horrified by their TikTok feed.
Let go of the expectation that you can parent them the same way—because you can’t, and if you try, one of them (or all) will revolt.
2. Play Zone Defense, Not Man-to-Man
When I was little, the only sport we watched in our house was basketball. We were Lakers fans back then, but I've gathered that we are no longer Lakers fans. *shrug* Anyway, until I starting dating my husband, basketball was the only sport I knew anything about. In basketball, there are two basic defensive strategies: man-to-man (where you’re glued to one player) and zone defense (where you guard an area and shift as needed). When you have both a toddler and a teen, zone defense is your best friend.
This means:
You don’t have to personally handle every meltdown—sometimes a well-timed sibling intervention, a Disney song on YouTube, or a snack can do the job.
You can’t be everywhere at once, so prioritize based on urgency. (A poopy diaper? Immediate. A teen's request for money? Delayed as long as possible.)
Let them entertain each other when possible. Yes, teens can be VERY helpful! A toddler idolizing their older sibling is a beautiful thing—milk it for all it’s worth.
3. Set Some Non-Negotiables (For Them AND You)
It’s easy to feel like you’re just reacting to everyone else’s needs all day, so having a few non-negotiables can help keep you sane.
For example:
For the toddler: Naps or some sort of quiet rest time are non-negotiable. My older kids were amazing with napping and quiet time. They had 1-3 hours every day until they went to kindergarten. I kid you not. My toddler now, weeell...she's not that good about it. She would go go go until she passed out from sheer exhaustion. But even if she doesn't think she needs a break —I do. I try to prioritize getting her a nap as much as possible. Which some days means she naps in the car and I enjoy a cup of coffee and a book in the front seat, parked in the driveway.
For the teen: Basic human interaction is non-negotiable. Eyes up here, darlin' and give me just a bit more than a grunt and shrug as a response to “good morning” and “goodnight.”
For you: Alone time is non-negotiable. Often times for me, it's the 15 minute drive home after taking the older kids to school. Other days, it’s 10 minutes locked in the bathroom, listening to a podcast while pretending you can’t hear anyone banging on the door.
You’re allowed to have boundaries. You don’t exist solely to serve tiny (or giant) humans.
4. Let Go of the Guilt (Seriously, Just Drop It)
Let's be honest. At any given moment, you’re probably neglecting one of your kids. It’s okay.
The toddler will throw tantrums whether you’re giving them your undivided attention or not. The teens will roll their eyes at you no matter how hard you try to play it cool. The fact that you’re even worried about balancing their needs means you’re already doing a great job.
Some days, your toddler will get more of you. Other days, your teen will. And sometimes, neither of them will, because you’re going to take a nap while Elmo's World plays in the background, and the teen is left to their own devices (literally and figuratively).
You are one human. Give yourself grace.
5. Find the Moments That Make It Worth It
Even in the chaos, there are these little golden moments.
Like when your toddler climbs into your teen’s lap, and the teenager plays with her or reads her a book. Or when your teen randomly starts talking about their life without being forced. Or when you all laugh at something ridiculous together, and for a second, it feels like everyone is in sync.
Those moments are the proof that you’re doing something right. I hope.
The Bottom Line? You’re Not Losing Yourself—You’re Just Evolving
Balancing the needs of a toddler and a teen isn’t about “having it all together” (because, spoiler: no one does). It’s about rolling with the chaos, keeping your sense of humor intact, and knowing that every season—yes, even this one—will eventually pass.
So grab your cold coffee (or ask for an Ember mug for mother's day), take a deep breath, and remember: You’re not alone in this. You’re doing an incredible job, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. And if all else fails? There’s always bedtime.
