Late-Night Ramblings
Life is full of seasons. Cycling through various times in our lives, where everything looks mostly the same, but also very different in a million little ways. I've always felt more inclined to describe the different times in my life as seasons vs chapters or something else. I'm not sure exactly why--maybe because, as with seasons, there is so much sameness among the different.
Anyway, I'm in a season right now, as we all are. And this season I'm feeling God calling to me. I'm feeling this pull toward him stronger than just previously. I want to know him more than I do. I want to experience him more than I do. I just want more. Here's the tricky part:
I'm a mom.
A mom with a lot of kids.
A pregnant mom with a lot of kids.
Try that one on for size.
So that's what I'm wrestling with in this season. When I desire so deeply to wander into a quiet place on a hillside or in a forest or heck, in my bathroom with the door closed and no one calling for me...to find that quiet place and get lost in my thoughts, praying, worshipping, just being. God has given me this insatiable desire to read his word more than ever, to talk to him more, to write about him, to seek out others who are like-minded, to spend time just being with him. But he's given me this desire more so during a season of life where I honestly consider it a wild success if I showered, dressed in something other than leggings, and put on mascara on the same day.
Apparently, I'm struggling with the logistics of how to actually fulfill this desire for MORE that God has given me. Not a bad problem to have, but a problem nonetheless. I can feel myself growing frustrated, which can't be drawing me closer to God, can it?
So here I sit. Praying Psalms. Reading Matthew. Journaling thoughts when I should be sleeping. Maybe God kept me from sleeping to give me this little golden hour with Him while everyone else is asleep. Now I'm praying that he'll also give me a little gift of extra energy tomorrow. ;)
Ahh...the late-night ramblings of a pregnant mom with a lot of kids, a deep desire to know God more, in need of a shower, and just not enough time or scheduling discipline to fit it all in.
