Don’t Let Me Set The Tone of My Home
I saw a post today that said, “Mothers set the tone of the home.”
And honestly? I just need to know who approved this message.
Because if that’s true, then my home’s tone is somewhere between a chaotic circus, an underfunded daycare, and an episode of reality TV that gets canceled four episodes into the season.
Listen, I love Jesus. I really do. But if you were to stroll into my house at 5:30 p.m. on any given night expecting some peaceful, Proverbs 31-esque glow, let me just help adjust those expectations.
My toddler, standing on a chair like a tiny dictator, shouting “Chicken!! Fyes!!” which means chicken and fries and specifically a trip to Chick-Fil-A.
The older kids alternating between negotiating with one another about who knows what and calling each other names (some I'm ashamed to admit and others I honestly don't know the meaning of, nor do I want to).
Me, deep-breathing like a half-trained monk while muttering, “These days won't last forever. Someday I'll miss the noise and chaos.” But really, will I? I'm still not completely convinced.
A mystery mess that no one in the house created. (Strange how these things just appear out of thin air, right?)
But sure, yes. Mothers set the tone of the home.
If that’s the case, then the tone I have set is “barely livable chaos with an essence of holy resilience.” You know how La Croix has their flavors...an essence of lemon, grapefruit, etc. Like they basically just walk a lemon by the La Croix cans and call it flavored with an essence of lemon. That's about the concentration of holiness in my house most days. An essence.
And I see the posts on Instagram and I read the blogs from other beautiful mothers who are waking early and turning on their warm soft-glow lights and popping a batch of French toast casserole in the oven before every wakes up. I've made French toast casserole. I KNOW how easy it is. I love the intention of creating a peaceful, soft home. I WANT to subscribe to that narrative and be one of those moms...the peaceful, glowing home moms. But I just can't. I do that on Christmas morning and sometimes a birthday here or there and that's about all I can muster. For some reason beyond me, peace in my house does not look like soft-lit family devotions and children who speak in gentle tones while complimenting my home-cooked meals.
Peace in my house looks like:
-- No one actively trying to injure a sibling.
-- A single meal shared without complaining about who's cleaning up.
-- Me, saying good night to my teenagers and heading to bed. Usually HOURS before they're going to bed.
-- Jesus, holding it all together while I try to keep my cool.
That’s it. That’s peace.
Here’s the thing—I get the heart behind “Mothers set the tone of the home.” I really do. There’s truth to it. But sometimes I think I confuse peace with perfection.
I walk in circles, looking at one mess after another. I battle the growing laundry pile daily. I worry endlessly about my teenage children, that I haven't prepared them for life. One glance at my bedroom, the kids' bathroom, the kitchen, or literally anywhere in my house and I see a never-ending list of projects in our house that isn't remodeled and Pinterest-worthy. I literally just said today "I need our house to look like an Airbnb so I can keep it clean and have peace." But would that really be peace? Or am I looking to perfection for fulfillment?
If I'm honest, my goal isn’t to create some magazine-worthy, always-calm, spa-like environment where our children sit quietly, nodding in agreement with our wise words.
My goal is to create a home where:
Jesus is present, even in the chaos.
Grace is given, even when we get it wrong.
Our kids know they are deeply loved, even when everyone is yelling.
So if your house is a place where you're trying to focus on spiritually thriving but it's also kind of a disaster, fist-bump. Solidarity.
We are the mothers in the trenches.
We are setting the tone of survival, laughter, and holy perseverance.
We are raising tiny and not so tiny humans, not staging for a Better Homes and Gardens photoshoot. Although, wouldn't THAT be fun??
And if the tone of my home is a little chaotic, mostly loud, with a touch of "Where is the deodorant I bought you three days ago? How do you already need another one?!" —then so be it.
Because at the end of the day, peace isn’t about the noise level or the aesthetic or perfectly chosen design. It’s about who is holding it all together.
And thank God, that’s not me.
Share this with a fellow mom whose house is a loud, messy, beautiful disaster. Let’s build each other up in solidarity.
